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  I glance at Wren. “How about you?”

  “Sure, I’m not on call tonight.”

  “I thought you were going to stop taking calls when the Crisis Division started up?”

  “I wasn’t willing to give it up completely. They developed a backup for when I’m out for a crisis.”

  We ride the elevator down and Ander heads out for his bike. Wren and I walk into the downstairs bar. It’s a narrow area with high ceilings and dim lights. We take a seat at the bar and order our drinks.

  “You’re a junkie like me. You will never give up surgery.”

  “In that, you are right. We are a lot alike.” He turns on his barstool to face me. “So, what’s really up with the clothes, man?”

  I swirl the ice in my glass before I take a sip. “I just didn’t feel like wearing a stuffy suit.”

  “I don’t have a problem with that as long as you are really okay,” he says, placing his hand on my shoulder.

  “I need a change. Maybe my stuffiness has been what’s kept me from finding the right woman.”

  “You have women fall over you all the time.” He smirks and turns back toward the bar.

  “Those women see money and prestige, nothing more. I need someone who can put up with my bullshit.” I half laugh.

  “Man, there isn’t a woman alive who could handle you.” Wren snorts, throwing back his whiskey.

  “You’re probably right. Don’t you ever think about settling down?” I toss my boubon back and indicate to the bartender to refill our glasses.

  “I do, but I’m surprised to hear you say that.” His deep blue eyes are probing me.

  “I’m not getting any younger. Besides, it would be nice to have a wife and family to come home to at night.”

  “Yeah, it would. But I’m not sure it’s in the cards for guys like us. My biggest fear is that it would never be enough for the right woman.” Wren adds quietly.

  “What do you mean?” I turn toward him.

  “I need a woman that could be part of the adrenaline rush with me; a woman that needs it as much as I do.”

  “A woman like Aedon,” I say and swallow hard. That is exactly who he is describing.

  “Aedon is my best friend, nothing more.” His eyes cut to the left, like he’s hiding something behind them.

  A tinge of hurt nestles in his brows as he sets his drink down a little too hard on the bar top, causing the bartender to look in our direction.

  “A woman like Aedon is too good for the likes of either of us,” I tell him, standing up. “Do you need a ride home?”

  “No, man. I like to walk. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He throws cash on the counter and I follow suit.

  Chapter 4

  Aedon

  “Give another round of epi and start a bicarb drip.” There is no way my patient is going to make it. My hands are literally wrapped around his heart trying to make it beat back to life. It’s sad really, Marco’s only forty-five years old and he’s been on a heart transplant list for over six months, waiting for his chance to live a little longer. There is no ‘longer’ for him. He’s been down too long. Even if I could save him, his brain has been without oxygen far too long now.

  “Cancel those orders. It’s time to call it. Time of death: eleven fifty-eight P.M.” I peel off my gloves, throwing them in the piles of trash accumulated during surgery, along with my mask and surgical gown which is covered in my patient’s blood. Swinging the doors open, I go directly to the dictation office around the corner. I leave the lights off, letting my body slide down the wall until I’m sitting on the cold tile floor, and let the tears fall.

  I hate losing a patient, especially someone that I’ve been working with for so long. I gave up my practice a few months back to join Ashe and Wren in this adventure. I’ve been working with this patient for years now. He’d had multiple surgeries by me, but nothing I ever did was going to change the fact he needed a new heart. I was only his Band-Aid. “Damn it!” I scream into the dark room.

  I sit on the floor until my eyes dry. Reaching above me, I flick on the light. Anytime I lose a patient I want to talk to my mother. She always finds a way of comforting me. I hope that one day I can be half the mother she’s been to me. She’s gotten me through some pretty dark times with Ashe. I know on the outside I look like I have my shit together, but when it comes to him, but my heart thinks differently.

  Using the desk for support, I get up off the floor and make my way to the doctors’ co-ed locker room. Taking my phone out of my locker, I call my mother. She’s always told me to call her anytime day or night. She’s never let me down yet.

  “Are you okay?” her sleepy voice asks. “Did you lose a patient, or is it Ashe?”

  “No, Mom, Ashe is fine.” She is the only person that knows how I really feel about him. I don’t know why I can’t get over my need for him. The feeling is like an ache deep down in my bones, like a nagging toothache. No matter how many times I’ve tried to pull away from him, I can’t. Or maybe I just need that ache inside. I could have chosen another path rather than going into business with him. He and I will never be a couple again, but at least I can keep an eye on him and know that he’s okay. I pushed him over the deep end once, I can’t watch it happen ever again.

  “Was it Marco? Did he die?” She sounds like she’s up and moving now.

  “Yes. I couldn’t save him.” My voice cracks. She and I have talked about him many times before when I thought he wouldn’t make it.

  “You did the best you could. You gave him several extra years. I’m sorry, baby.” Her words always get to me.

  “I know, Momma,” I sniff, wiping an escaping tear.

  “Your dad and I are so proud of the work you do and the many lives you’ve saved. Those are the ones you have to remember.”

  “You’re right, but tonight I want to feel sad about Marco.”

  “You feel sad tonight and then tomorrow, pull your chin up and save more lives, like you always do.”

  Wanting to change the subject, “Did you get the email I sent you confirming your flight to Washington DC?”

  “I did. Your dad is so excited.”

  Dad has always wanted to go to DC to tour the Capitol building, the Pentagon, and the museums. “I will only have meetings the first day. After that, I’ll be able to spend the rest of the week with the both of you.” Ashe and Wren hate politics, so they nominated me to represent our company to maintain our government license. I figured I would take advantage of it and take my mom and dad with me.

  “I know you will be busy. We are more than capable of entertaining ourselves for a few hours.”

  “It’s still over a month away. If I know Daddy, he’ll have a schedule all planned out for us.”

  She laughs. “He’s been working on that since he found out you bought us tickets.”

  A yawn creeps out. “I better go so you can go back to sleep. Thanks for always being there for me, Mom. I love you.”

  “I love you, too. Be careful going home this time of night.”

  “I will. Give Dad a kiss for me.” I quickly change clothes, putting on my running shoes. My apartment is only a mile from the hospital. Even though I’m tired, a run always helps with my mood.

  Once the midnight air hits my face, I’m inspired to make my run a little longer. I go downtown to cross over by the water. The streets are never empty in New York City, even in the middle of the night. My ponytail sways back and forth as I pass over the brick bridge. I stop midway to look out over the water and spot a couple making out down at the water’s edge. My mind immediately goes to Ashe, like it always does. I smile at some of the memories my mind conjures up, but my heart aches. I fell in love with him the day I met him. He was such a geek at the time, but he was the shine in my life. We were both freshmen in med school. He was tall and cute, but not quite filled out yet. Who knew he would turn out to be such a hot alpha male? He started working out shortly after we met. I think he was trying to impress me. He became almost OCD about it
, working out every morning before classes. It didn’t take him long to build muscles and become one of the hottest guys in school. I fell for his mind well before his newfound body, but God, did he look good.

  He was so sweet in the beginning and extremely smart. I love a man with a sharp mind. The first time he kissed me, I was blown away. I couldn’t imagine how this young boy knew how to kiss so well. I fell as hard and as fast as he did. We had the same goals and were madly in love with one another. The sex was like nothing I could have ever dreamt of. He would have entire days where all he wanted was to consume me. I learned that I didn’t always like sex to be nice and easy. He became more aggressive in our lovemaking and I craved it from him constantly.

  Then he would have days where he didn’t want to get out of bed. He would study, eat, and nothing else. One minute he was down and then the next it was like he was high on life. He would be social and hang out with his friends, partying. When I was around he’d act like I was the most important person in the world. We would spend hours talking about our future together and laughing at something crazy he did. He treated me like a princess. I was utterly in love with him. My parents adored him.

  It wasn’t until we got further into our medical studies that I began to suspect there was something wrong with him. His lows were less frequent than his highs, but when they hit, he was a completely different person. He looked at me differently, even spoke to me differently. It was as if he would go out of his way to bring me down with him. I hated how it made me feel. I didn’t know what else to do at the time, so I held on for the ride until he was through it.

  Things would go back to normal and I’d fall further in love with him. We ended up moving in together our second year of medical school and I truly believe that was the beginning of the end for us. I watched helplessly as his rollercoaster of emotions tore us apart. On his highs, he had to be the best at everything, and for the most part he was. He studied hard and played hard. Women loved him and the men wanted to be him. His ego grew like never before. He had been a small-town boy with nothing to get by on but his wits. Before he knew it, he had become such a talented man that he was constantly being sought after for his skills.

  His ego is what brought us crashing down. He found out that my GPA was higher than his and it sent him spiraling out of control. He failed his first test ever after he went into one of his lows. When he came back up from it, he partied all night and I came home to find him with another woman pressed up against the wall. That’s the day my world fell apart. He never even knew I saw him. I remember running outside our little apartment and throwing up in the grass. It ripped my heart out. I never confronted him about it, despite Wren encouraging me to. Wren and I had been best friends for years and later he and Ashe would become good friends and roommates.

  Our relationship didn’t last long after that. I finally made the decision to leave him and things got worse. Ashe overdosed on drugs and I found him near death. After that night, he promised he would get help, so I moved back in with him for a while. He started on medication, but didn’t like how it made him feel, so he quit taking it. That’s when I left for the last time. I couldn’t go through it with him again. But the thing is, I never stopped loving him or wanting him. No one compared to him after that. I lied and hurt him. I told him there was someone else. I didn’t know any other way out. I dove further into my studies and spent more and more time alone.

  Wren and I grew closer and he would come over and hang out with me, but not talk about Ashe unless I asked. He admired Ashe for helping him, yet felt like a traitor to me for becoming friends with him after everything that had happened. I felt better, knowing Ashe had Wren in his life. By the time we graduated, we were all friends. My feelings for him had not really changed, but I wanted him in my life. I wanted to know that he was okay, so I was willing to be friends with him. His friendship at least filled that hole in my heart he created.

  The three of us have managed to stay close. I almost ruined that one night when I saw Ashe out on a date. I ran to Wren. I didn’t tell him what happened, but I needed to be with someone that night and he was more than willing. Not meaning to, I hurt him. I never knew until then he had feelings for me other than friendship. I thought at one point early on I was in love with Wren, but I never felt for him the way I did Ashe. I think he always felt like a backup plan. Maybe he was right. He would be my second choice in life, but I wanted Ashe more than I ever wanted Wren. It took us awhile to get through it, but we did and I adore him.

  Feeling the weight of the day creeping in, I make my way through the dimly-lit streets to my apartment building, where I want nothing more than to wash the day off of me and fall asleep as fast as possible.

  Chapter 5

  Ashe

  It’s 2am and I’m tangled in the sheets from tossing and turning. Sleep and I have a love-hate relationship. I’m either sound asleep and can’t get up in the morning or I’m sleep deprived and can’t stay awake. There is no in-between for me, except when Aedon and I were together. I would fall asleep with her in my arms and wake up feeling fresh.

  My phone is charging next to the bed. I take it from its cordless charger and scroll through until I find her gorgeous face. It’s a picture of her and me when we first got together. She’s more stunning now than she was then, if that’s possible. My finger plays on the edge of her name. I wonder if she’s made it home yet. I know surgery can sometimes take us into the wee hours of the morning.

  I sit, leaning against the headboard of my bed, and feel my fingers dial her number almost as if they are possessed. I press call and instantly want to take it back. It rings twice and as her voice stops me just as I am about to disconnect.

  “Ashe, are you okay?” Her keys jangle in my phone speaker as she sets them down on her table.

  “Are you just getting in?”

  “Yeah, long surgery.” I hear her feet pat across the floor and the shower turns on.

  “Did your patient make it?”

  She lets out a loud sigh and I already know the answer. “No.”

  “I’m sorry, doll. I know how hard you take a patient’s death.”

  “You would think by now I’d get used to it. By the time they call me in, the patient’s odds are pretty low.”

  “You’ve saved many more than what you’ve lost.”

  “Why are you calling me, Ashe?” The sadness in her voice pulls at me.

  “I wanted to make sure you got home all right.”

  She lets out a soft laugh. “Always looking out for me. It’s late. I want to take a long, hot shower and curl up in my bed.”

  My jaw tightens at the thought of her naked body in the shower. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “I’ll be late…”

  “I know, you’re going to yoga class in the morning.” I disconnect the call. Anytime she loses a patient she takes a yoga class. She says it helps her to refocus. Maybe I should try it with her one day. On second thought, I would have a hard-on the whole time – probably not acceptable for yoga class. Her ass, in the air, I close my eyes and a visual of her comes into focus. Great, now I’ll never sleep.

  I can smell the dark roast of the coffee as soon the elevator doors open. Ander has the main computer screen lit up with old images of an earthquake and the two computers at his desk up and running.

  “You’re here early.” I walk past him and head straight for the coffee. He glances up and resumes what he’s doing.

  “You look like shit,” he says without a pause from his fingers clicking on the keys.

  “Good morning to you, too,” I grumble. After pouring my coffee, I walk up behind Ander and check out what he’s so focused on doing. “Is that the Red Cross site?” I put my mug on his desk, bending down to get a better look.

  “Yeah, I figured out how to link us with their communication board. We’ll be the first in the field dealing with injuries, but they are vital to our success and we can improve their efficiency. They can focus on getting minor injurie
s to the tents where our docs and nurses will be ready for them. They can also focus more on food and shelter for the people that need it.”

  “Don’t you think we should make contact with the Red Cross before you hack into their system?”

  “Way ahead of you. It was Wren’s idea. He called me at home last night, after he got a hold of big wigs with Red Cross. They are all on board. I had my access when I came in this morning.”

  I place my hand on his shoulder and squeeze. “I’m really glad that you’re a part of our team.”

  His fingers freeze over the keyboard as his head tilts up at me. “Thanks, Dr. Manning. That means a lot coming from you.”

  Wren comes barreling through the door with coffee already in his hand and a large carryout bag. His curly brown hair looks disheveled and his bag is dragging on the lower part of his arm.

  “Here, let me help you with that,” I say, reaching for his bag. “You look like you got as much sleep as I did.”

  “I think you and I are a lot alike when it comes to getting no sleep. My mind was on overdrive.” He sets his coffee and bag on the table. Reaching in, he pulls out a bagel. “Want one?” he asks.

  “No, I’m good. Thanks.” Ander is already digging into the bag, pulling out several of them. I chuckle while watching him. “Ander said it was your idea to connect with the Red Cross. Nice job.”

  “I figure the more hands the better and the more organized we will be in dispatching. That way we aren’t double-hitting doing the same thing, and can save more lives.” He stuffs a big bite of bagel in his mouth.

  It is mid-morning and we are all working at our desks when Aedon sashays through our office in black yoga pants and a sports bra. I damn near spill my third cup of coffee everywhere. Wren’s gaze follows her as she walks by him. Ander waves at her. He grins when he sees the two of us gawking at her.