Life Goes On (Epic Love Stories Book 3) Read online

  “Grab some tissues and dry your face. Charlie, get her a brush too. You may want to fix that tangled mess of brown hair.” He whispers the last part. “You’ve got to go downstairs and mingle with our friends and family.” He chuckles again. “Boy, I wish I could see my ashes resting in that two-foot kayak I had designed.”

  When he found out his cancer was incurable, he didn’t want me to have to deal with the details, so he had a small kayak made out of oak and painted it bright yellow. It’s covered with a black lid, and his ashes were poured inside. His wish was for me to place it in the gulf and set it free.

  “Is he kidding me?” I point to the screen, and Charlie is snorting.

  “That’s so Silas.”

  “This isn’t funny!” I pull a tissue from the box and blow my nose.

  “It is funny,” Silas says. “Get your knickers out of a wad and find the humor in it, and while you’re at it, get downstairs. I want you to dance at my party. You can drink, cry, scream, whatever you need to do to get through today…but you will dance.” He leans close to the screen. “Hey, could you show me a little cleavage? I like when I can see the swell of your breasts.” He’s looking directly at my boobs. “While you’re at it, bat those big round hazel eyes at me. That’s it, baby, you’re making me hard.” I can’t help but snicker through my tears.

  “Do you two need a room?” Charlie giggles, and I shoot her a dirty look.

  “I don’t want to dance without you.” I trace my fingers on his lips.

  “Noah and Charlie will be there with you.”

  Charlie hands me my shoes. “He’s right. We will.”

  “I want you to be brave. Go out there and remember all the good times we’ve had. Listen to all the stories that will be told about me today. Keep in mind, not all of them are true”—he grins—“well, they probably are. Tomorrow, I want you to come back and watch the rest of this. Tomorrow,” he says again,” life will go on.” The video ends. I see the next one, and my finger lingers over it to click on it.

  Charlie shuts my laptop.

  “Hey!” I scowl at her, and Murphy barks.

  “He said tomorrow. You’re going to do what he said today.” She sits on the edge of the desk next to me. “Dry your pretty face, put your shoes on, and let’s go face everyone together. I promise I’ll be right by your side if you feel like you need to fall.”

  I look over my shoulder at the laptop one more time before I leave my office. I want to run back and play the video over and over just so I can see his face. I don’t want to go downstairs and remember him. I want him standing by my side, being the center of attention and making me laugh. God, I love him and don’t know how to do this on my own.

  He’s wrong about one thing; life won’t go on for me. He’s been my life. I’ve had him to myself all these years. We tried to have kids. I miscarried twice and couldn’t bear to try again. Silas said he was okay if it was just the two of us for the rest of our lives. It’s not fair. I want the rest of our lives…not mine.

  I collapse on the top step, and Charlie goes with me. “I can’t do this,” I cry on her shoulder.

  “Look at me.” She places her hands on either side of my face. “We will do this together, and Noah will be there to catch both of us.” Her tears fall with mine.

  “And”—I sniff—“who’s going to catch Noah? He loved him too.”

  “We’ll catch each other.”

  I shake my head rapidly. “Okay…okay.” I stand and hold on to the railing.

  “Attagirl,” she says and places my hand on her elbow to support me down to the second worst day of my life.

  I plaster on a fake smile and pretend to listen as one by one people come up to me and give me their condolences as I make my way outside. The weather is balmy, but a breeze is making it bearable. I look out to the thick railing of the deck and see the damn yellow kayak Silas had made into an urn.

  A band is set up at the bottom of the deck on a portable wooden landing big enough for them and guests to dance on. Noah strung white lights and attached tiki torches to the deck for when it gets dark out.

  I hightail it to the makeshift bar set up in a food truck. I rarely drink more than wine, but I think this day calls for something a little stronger.

  “I’ll have vodka,” I tell the bartender who’s dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and shorts.

  “Sweetie, you might want something mixed in with that like cranberry or orange juice,” Charlie insists.

  “Nope. Straight up vodka. Tito’s if you have it,” I tell him. He pours it and places it on a bar napkin with the words “Party like a rock star” on it. I pick one up and show it to Charlie. “Whose idea was this?”

  “Silas made me order them.” Noah comes up behind us. “He ordered those too.” He points to the side of the food truck. There are brightly colored T-shirts with Silas’s face on them that reads, “Party like it’s 1999,” with a sign above them that says $19.99.

  “We’re selling T-shirts at my husband’s funeral?” I glare at Noah like he has two heads.

  “He wanted the proceeds to go to the dog rescue mission. The bartender is donating half his money earned today.”

  I pick up the glass of vodka, drink it down, and slam the glass on the metal counter. “Leave it to Silas to turn this into a fund-raiser. I’ll need another one of these.” I direct my glass toward the bartender and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

  He nods and pours another one.

  “I want to give a speech before we get this party underway,” Noah tells Charlie.

  “Would everyone quit calling this a party! The definition would indicate something to celebrate, have fun, enjoy oneself, have a good time…” I wave my hands around like a maniac. “Does it look like I’m doing any of that?” I gulp down my second drink.

  “Sweetie, the guests are starting to stare,” Charlie whispers.

  Noah steps up close to me, and I see tears fill his eyes. “This is what Silas wanted. Do you think I really want to celebrate him being gone?” His Adam’s apple bobs while he tries to compose himself. “No, but this is what he wanted. He wanted us to celebrate his life.” He takes my hands in his. “Will you help me do that?”

  I hug him to me. “I’m sorry I lost it. I know you miss him too,” I cry.

  “It’s okay. We’ll get through this today, and every day after today when you want to lose control, I’ll be there with you losing it too.”

  Charlie joins our hug until the three of us are ready to let go.

  “I’m ready.” I sniff.

  I walk hand in hand with Noah to the mock dance floor. “May I have everyone’s attention,” he yells. “First, I want to thank all of you for coming to the celebration of Silas’s life. I know he loved each and every one of you.” He clears the lump from his throat.

  “I met Silas the day he and Olivia moved here, and I’ve never had a better friend. He was a good man and loved by many. His charismatic personality made him easy to like. His sense of adventure was contagious. I always loved taking trips with him and seeing it through his eyes. Life was never boring. I want everyone to drink up, share your stories of Silas, laugh, and dance the night away remembering him. He will forever be in our hearts.” He looks up to the blue sky. “Love you, man.”

  Chapter Three

  I abided by Silas’s wish and lost myself in the party…and about four more drinks. I even ended up laughing at the stories told by his friends. I was in awe at how many people loved him and felt very blessed to be with them.

  I danced in my bare feet and howled at the moon a few times until I could physically not move anymore. Charlie tucked me in and turned off all the lights. I had even forgotten about the video until my eyes popped open this morning.

  Running to my office in my socked feet, I’m in such a hurry that I slide across the wood floor, skating by the door and almost toppling over face first. I get my balance and head straight for the computer and open the file.

  “You had a good time, did
n’t you?” He’s all smiles. “That’s my girl. I knew you could do it.” He sits straight in his chair. “There is Tylenol in the medicine cabinet. Why don’t you go get some and fix a cup of coffee before we go any further. I have a feeling you need the Tylenol, and you’ll want the coffee to be able to focus on what I’m going to say.” He spins around in his chair.

  “You’re still sitting there. Go on. I’m not going anywhere.”

  I pause the video. “How the hell did he do that?” It’s because he knows me so well. I get up and go to the medicine cabinet and take two pills out. He’s right; my head is throbbing from drinking too much. I swallow them down then head to the coffee pot downstairs.

  The kitchen window overlooks the back deck where the party was last night. Noah is outside with a big black garbage bag, picking up the trash.

  When the coffee is done, I pour two mugs and take one to Noah. “Thanks for getting me through last night. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you and Charlie.”

  He lays down the trash bag and takes the mug of coffee. “When do you want to send him out to sea?” He nudges his head toward the Urn.

  “I’m not ready for that, yet. That would mean really letting him go.” We both lean on the edge of the deck and look out over the Gulf of Mexico. “You know, I still feel him in the house. I’ll go to do something and want to tell him, and he’s not there.”

  “I did the same thing the other day. I picked up the phone to call him to tell him what one of the twins did, but I stopped before the call went through.”

  Silas loved Noah’s boys, Brody and Brady. As soon as they were old enough, Silas and Noah would play football with them on the beach for hours. They would take camping trips together, and he taught them how to fish.

  “How are the boys?”

  “They’re having a hard time with it. They were supposed to go with their grandparents to pick out something for their fourteenth birthday this weekend, but they canceled. I think they just want to be near us right now.”

  “They’re afraid of losing you like Silas,” I add and take a sip of my coffee.

  “I think you’re right. I know Silas was sick and in pain near the end, but I don’t think any of us really believed he would die. He was too fucking young.” Anger shows up in his words for the first time while talking about Silas.

  “It was all so quick from the time we found out he had pancreatic cancer. I mean, by the time we really knew anything was wrong with him, it had already spread to his brain.” I turn and face the house. “I should’ve known something was wrong and took him to the doctor’s earlier. He had been having headaches and dizzy spells, and we both rationalized them away.”

  “It wouldn’t have mattered. The doctors told you that. There’s no cure for the type of cancer he had. The moment the first cancer cell formed in his body, it was over for him.”

  “I know, you’re right. I just miss him so badly.”

  “Me too.”

  I pat his arm. “Thanks again for last night.” I make my way back up to my office and set my mug down on the desk and restart the video.

  “I can smell that delicious cup from here.” He inhales, then clasps his hands together on his desk. “Now for more serious stuff. If you choose to take this mission…” He laughs. “Just kidding. I love the Mission Impossible movies and have always wanted to say that.”

  I can’t help but giggle at his antics.

  “First things first. In the very back of your right-hand desk drawer, you’ll find a journal and a package of brand-new pens. I know you have a pen fetish, and you are always getting onto me for using yours. Anyhoo, I want you to start writing that romance book you’ve talked about for the last ten years. You always had some excuse as to why you didn’t start it. Life is too short to not do the things you want to.” He opens his arms wide. “Look at me.” He points his fingers to his head.

  “Not funny,” I snip. “If I have to write my book, you have to write a song. You told me you’d write me a love song and never did.” I talk to him like he can really hear me.

  “I know, you don’t find the humor in it. But the point is, quit putting it off. You’re a hopeless romantic just like me, and I’m sure you’ll write an epic love story. Second, pack your bag. You’re taking a trip.”

  “I can’t take a trip right now.”

  “I know what you’re thinking.” He taps his temple with his pointer finger. “You don’t want to go anywhere because you are too busy mourning me. I don’t want you to sit around and wallow. You might want to leave that fancy car of yours at home and take my truck.” His chair creaks when he leans back. “I’ve been meaning to tell you that I think you should sell it.”

  “What?”

  “Hear me out. That car was never you. You’re an outdoorsy gal and need something that will haul toys, especially since I’m not around to do it for you. So, get rid of it and buy an SUV. You’ll thank me for it later.”

  “I can’t sell my car.” I don’t want to sell it because we christened it right before we found out he had cancer. It was our last trip together, and every time I get in it, I can see us making love in the passenger seat.

  “We did christen it, and I loved every minute of it, but it’s not a good enough reason to keep it. We’ve made love on every surface of our house. You keep those memories and get rid of the car.”

  I hate that he knows all my thoughts and arguments against him.

  “Last, but not least.” I hit the pause button because I don’t want to hear the last from him. My eyes well up with tears. I slide the bar to rewind it all the way back to the beginning and listen to him all over again. I take it back; I don’t hate that he knows me so well that he knows what I’m going to say. I love that we’re that in tune with each other. I hit pause again and freeze his face on the screen.

  “Please don’t make me say goodbye to you again. I’m not ready.” My finger shakes as I unpause it.

  “Last, but not least, since I know you’re not ready to let go, when you get to the house in North Carolina, in the top drawer of my dresser, you will find another thumb drive, with this guy on it.” He has both his thumbs directed toward his chest. “I love you, doll. There will come a time that you’ll have to let go and start living again. Don’t worry. We’ll get there.” He places a kiss on the tips of his fingers and touches the screen. Then I do the same.

  “I love you, too.” I’m so excited to know there’s more that I jump up and start packing a bag. I pick up my phone on my nightstand and call Charlotte.

  “You’re up.” She answers on the first ring.

  “I’m going to the house in North Carolina,’ I say as I stuff a pair of jeans in my suitcase.

  “Do you think that’s such a good idea?”

  “I watched the next video, and there’s more waiting for me up there.”

  “He made more videos?”

  “One more, and I have to know what he says.”

  “Do you need me to watch Murphy for you?”

  “No, I’m taking him with me.”

  “In your Ferrari? You never let him in your car.”

  “I’m taking Silas’s truck…and I’m thinking about selling my car.”

  I hear her phone hit something a few times. “Hello, is this really my best friend or has someone overtaken your body? She’d never sell her car.”

  I laugh. “I said thinking about it. It’s not a done deal.” I’m not sure I can actually do it. “Anyway, I was only letting you know that I’d be gone a few days.”

  “Do you want me to come with you?”

  “No, your boys’ birthday is this weekend. Tell them I’m sorry I won’t see them but…” I stop my thought.

  “What is it?”

  “I almost forgot. Silas has a present for them in the garage. You can have Noah come over and get it.”

  “Okay, but please be careful and call me the minute you get there. Don’t worry about the mess out back. Noah and I’ll take care of it.”

&nbs
p; “Thanks, Charlie. I’ll call you the moment I arrive.”

  Chapter Four

  I thought I’d never get here. I rush to unlock the door while Murphy sniffs the ground. Usually, the drive goes by so quickly because Silas and I would crank up the radio and sing songs or play guess what year the song came out on the ride up here. It never seemed to have taken as long as it did today. I think I’ve aged a few years on the ride up.

  I place my keys in their usual spot in a small dish Silas and I picked up at one of the Indian villages selling their goods. “Come on, boy.” Murphy runs by me. I take my phone and dial Charlie as I head to Silas’s dresser.

  “I’ve made it here,” I say as soon as I hear her pick up. “I’m going to get my laptop out and plug in the thumb drive.”

  “Why don’t you open up a bottle of wine and relax before you do that?”

  “I didn’t stop at the store to get any. I was too anxious to get here.” I stick my hand in his sock drawer and feel for it.

  “I don’t know if this is such a good idea or not.” She sounds concerned.

  “What’s not a good idea? Found it!” I yell and head for the bag that has my computer in it.

  “Him leaving you videos,” she says softly.

  “I love that he did this.” I set the computer on the dining room table and turn it on.

  “It’s making you hold on, and he’s gone.”

  “He’s only been gone a few days. You don’t seriously expect me to move on?” I’m irritated.

  “That’s not what I meant…I’m sorry. I’m worried about you, that’s all.”

  “If he hadn’t done this, I don’t think I would’ve even gotten out of my pajamas yet. I want this, Charlie.”

  “Just…call me if you need me.”

  “I will.”

  I can hardly breathe. I’m so excited about seeing his face and whatever surprise he’s left for me on here. I push play.

  “Ah, I see you made it.” He taps the screen. “How’s my truck? Did she treat you right?”