Life Goes On (Epic Love Stories Book 3) Read online

  “Yes, she was fine,” I find myself responding.

  “I bet you’re wondering why you’re here?”

  “Yes.”

  “It’s not what you think.”

  “Tell me.”

  “I want you to carry me out to the deck, to the last place I sang to you before we found out the bad news.”

  I pick up my computer and open the sliding glass doors.

  “I love this deck, especially when all the leaves are changing colors as far as you can see.”

  “Me too.” I set the computer on the hand-carved wooden table.

  “That last night we were here was the best. I loved our day whitewater rafting and then coming back here, hanging out with you.”

  “I loved it too.”

  “Here’s the hard part.” His voice cracks. “I want you to have that with someone else.”

  “No.”

  “Don’t say no. You’re a young, beautiful, caring woman, and you have so much love to give. You can’t waste that.”

  “I said no.”

  “I’m going to help with that, but we’ll get to it later. There are some other things I want you to do first. Back to that book. While you’re here, I want you to write the first chapter. I know you can do it.”

  Gah. My heart is not in it. How can I write about romance when my heart is broken. It will wait.

  “After you’ve done that, because I know you will”—he points at me—“you’re going to take another trip.”

  “What?”

  “To see my parents.”

  “Scotland?”

  “Yes, Scotland. I had Noah save part of my ashes for you to take to my mum. Tell her I called her that. She just loves it.” He laughs.

  “She hates it.”

  “I know, but she’ll laugh.”

  “No, she won’t.”

  “While you’re there, remember that little bar I took you to on the edge of town.”

  “You mean the hole-in-the-wall shack?”

  “That’s the one. I want you to go there and play darts with my old friend Logan.”

  “The one that looks like Sam Elliot?”

  “Yes, the guy with the mustache. I owe him one final game, and you’re going to play it for me.”

  “This is ridiculous. I don’t play darts.”

  “It doesn’t matter if you know how to play or not, just do it for me.”

  How do I say no to that?

  “Think of it as an adventure. While you’re there, have the bartender make you a ginger beer. He makes the best. But only have one. They’re pretty strong, and I’d hate for my lady to be drunk. You tend to get a little chatty and truthful.”

  “I do not.”

  “You do, ask Charlie. Speaking of Charlie, Noah is going to make arrangements for her to go with you.”

  “Noah is in on this? He never mentioned it.”

  “I miss Noah, and I know he’s having a hard time too.” His eyes look so sad.

  “He misses you too, and so do the boys.”

  “Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. If you don’t play darts with Logan, he’s been instructed not to give you access to the next video.”

  “There’s more?”

  “I told you, this is going to be a work in progress. By the time I’m done…your life will go on, doll. Don’t fight it. I’ll give you more time to get over me because god knows, I don’t think I would’ve survived it being the other way around. That’s why I’m doing this, because the thought of you being alone breaks my heart.” He wipes away a tear. “Rent one of those yellow floating duckies while you’re here and go down the river. Murphy will love it. Pat him on the head for me. He and I had a talk before…I died. He promised to take care of you for me. Oh yeah, if you happen to see the hat I lost last time we floated the river, grab it for me, will ya? In the meantime, while you wait for this trip, I want you to get up every morning and go for a long walk. No, not in your pajamas. You must put clothes on. And, please”—he puts his hands together like he’s praying—“for the love of god, brush your hair. I’ve seen how scary it is if you don’t.” He shudders, and I laugh out loud. “Be sure to take Murphy with you he could use the fresh air and exercise too.” He kisses the tips of his fingers again and places them on the screen. “See you in Scotland, doll.”

  Every time he tells me goodbye, I feel his loss all over again. Murphy must too because he starts to whine. “I know, boy.” I get down on the deck with him, and he crawls in my lap. The tears flow again, and they dampen his fur. He licks my face as if to say it’s okay to cry. I scratch his neck and hear his collar jingle. I don’t remember him wearing a tag. I move the collar around his neck and look at his tag.

  “I need hugs too,” it says on one side. I flip it over, and it says, “Take care of momma. Love, Silas.” Big ugly tears rain down, and I can’t catch my breath. My chest hurts with my shattered heart trying to beat.

  “How am I supposed to do this?” I yell, and Murphy curls tighter into my lap. In my rage, it dawns on me that Silas didn’t know he was dying when we came up here. How did he get the thumb drive here? I get off the ground and go inside. Murphy follows close behind me.

  I go into the bathroom and open the medicine cabinet looking for some pain relief for my throbbing head, and there’s a note, taped on the inside of the cabinet. It reads, “Write the chapter Liv,” and it’s written in Silas’s handwriting.

  I grab my phone off the table and call Noah.

  “Did he know?”

  “Know what, Liv?”

  “Did he know when we came up here for rafting that he had cancer?”

  He’s quiet.

  “Did he know!” I scream into the phone.

  “Yes.”

  “Why did he act like he didn’t know? Why wouldn’t he have told me?”

  “He wanted you to have one last good trip. He didn’t know how long he’d feel well enough to do anything.”

  “Is that what was going on with you and Charlie? Did she know too?”

  “No. Charlie had no idea. And, yes, I was keeping a secret from her, and I had a hard time being around her and not telling his secret.”

  “Fuck you, Noah!” I cry out, and he doesn’t say anything. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, after a long moment.

  “I deserve that. I hated every minute of it, and if you’re going to be angry, be mad at me. Silas did what he thought was best.”

  “He’s not here for me to be angry at him.”

  “I know. I’m so sorry, Liv.” His voice reveals his tears.

  “It’s not your fault, Noah. Please tell Charlie I’m okay…I’m not but lie to her for me.” I hang up. If he can lie for Silas, I’ll be damned if he can’t lie for me.

  I take off all my clothes and get in bed. The last time I was here, this is how I slept with Silas. I can still smell him on the satin sheets. I curl into a fetal position, and Murphy lies on his pillow. I don’t get up for two days other than to let Murphy out and to tend to my needs. I do slip a robe on as to not scare away the chipmunks.

  Charlie has called a million times and left message after message. I finally text her back and tell her I’m okay, so she doesn’t send the police out looking for me.

  I watch the video a few hundred more times so I can see his handsome face. He’s got this small scar under his left eye that he got in a bar fight defending my honor. I’m not sure if it was that or him being jealous when some drunk guy was hitting on me.

  I get up again to let Murphy out, and the journal is protruding from the side of my suitcase. I pull it out and sit on the couch and stare at it for the longest time.

  I pick up a pen and start writing, and I don’t stop until Murphy barks to come inside. He sits at my feet, and I write and erase over the next couple of hours. Murphy whines again when he lays his head on my knee, wanting attention.

  “How about you and I go rent that duckie and go down the river?” His ears perk up like he knows what I’m talking about.

  “Come on
, boy. We’ll float the river and make the drive back home.”

  I change clothes, and we hop into the truck. Murphy hangs his head out the window and lets the wind blow in his face. I park in the familiar area and open the door. Murphy races out of the truck and runs toward the outdoor center.

  “Wait up, Murphy!” I yell after him.

  When I finally catch up with him, he’s behind the desk getting his ears scratched. “There you are,” I say.

  “Hey, Olivia. Murphy didn’t come last time you were here. Silas said something about you getting a new car.” Tom stands and looks around. “Where is Silas?”

  “Oh…I…you didn’t hear?”

  He walks over to me.

  “Silas died.” I can’t help the tears that form.

  “I’m so sorry.” His voice cracks. “I didn’t know he’d been sick.”

  “None of us did.” That’s a lie, Noah did, but he doesn’t need to hear that. “Murphy and I came to enjoy the river. It’s something Silas wanted us to do.” I put on a brave face.

  “Whatever you need, Liv.” He turns the signup paper toward me.

  I suit up, and Murphy hops in the duckie with me. I take my time going down the river, getting out every now and then and letting Murphy swim in the calmer areas.

  It was a nice day, but every ounce of me misses my husband, especially remembering all the years we’ve been going down this river.

  I return our gear and say goodbye to Tom. I open the truck door for Murphy to get in, and he stands there and looks at me.

  “Are you going to get in?”

  He turns his head like he’s looking for Silas to meet up with us. “He’s not coming, boy.” He whines and tucks his tail but gets in the truck.

  When we get back to the cabin, I decide to stay one more day to make sure it’s clean before I leave. Part of me doesn’t want to leave because I’m not sure if I’ll ever want to come back without Silas.

  Chapter Five

  “Murphy has been pouting all morning. He knew the minute I got my suitcase out that I’d be leaving. Poor boy.” I pat him on the head.

  “He’ll have so much fun with Noah and the boys that he’ll never miss you. Brady and Brody will spoil him rotten.” Charlie zips up her last suitcase.

  “This past month, waiting to go to Scotland has dragged by painfully slow. I can’t wait to see Silas’s face again.” I grab her bag off the bed.

  “I know I talk to you every day, but how are you really? I’ve been so busy with the boys I feel like I’ve neglected our friendship, and I was trying to give you some space.”

  “I still don’t want to get out of bed most days, but I’ve been getting up and going for long walks like Silas asked me to. It’s so hard because everywhere I go, I see something that reminds me of him. We’ve lived here our entire married lives, and there isn’t a place we haven't gone together.”

  “Maybe it’s time you cleared some of his things out of the house. I could help you with that.”

  “I’m nowhere near ready for that. I haven’t even touched his urn since Noah brought it inside and set it on the mantel. It looks hideous and out of place sitting up there, but I can’t bring myself to move it.”

  “You let me know when you’re ready. Now, let’s go find my handsome husband so I can give him a smooch goodbye.”

  “What about the boys?”

  “I told them goodbye when I tucked them in bed last night. If I do it again, I’ll cry.”

  “Thanks for coming with me.”

  “Oh, it’s such a sacrifice…” She lifts the back of her hand to her forehead. “Poor me, I have to go to Scotland.”

  I laugh. “You’re too much.”

  Two flights and a day later, we finally land in Scotland. We either entertained ourselves watching movies, reading, or laughing at each other’s stories.

  “When is the last time you saw Silas’s parents? I know they weren’t able to come to his funeral.” We grab our luggage off the conveyor belt and start walking toward the exit.

  “They’ve never been to our place, and I think the last time was about two years ago. His dad hasn’t been well for a while.”

  “I know you’ve said his mother never cared for you, but do you get along with his dad?”

  “His dad is a sweetheart and funny like Silas.” We step over to the car rental pickup area and load up into a tiny car, throwing our luggage in the back.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a car this small.” Charlie scrunches up her tall frame to get inside.

  “It’s not that far of a drive from here. I didn’t want to inconvenience his mother to come get us.”

  “I’m in,” she says, bumping her head on the roof.

  “Sorry.” I giggle.

  We take off down the main road that runs through rolling hills of nothing but beautiful green land with flocks of different colored flowers scattered throughout the fields.

  “Oh my god, look, there’s a castle…ohhh…and a man in a kilt.” She cranes her neck around to admire him. “That’s really hot. I’m going to have to buy one of those for Noah.”

  “I don’t think Noah will wear a kilt.” I giggle at her.

  “He will if he thinks he’ll get rewarded for it.” She winks.

  I’m so happy my best friend and her husband are still so in love, but it makes me miss Silas, my best friend and lover. Charlie jumps in when I grow quiet.

  “So, this Logan guy, is he hot?”

  “He is for someone who’s seventy.” I snort.

  “Does he have a hot son then?” She’s sticking her head out the window, letting the wind blow her long blond hair.

  “Not that I know of. Why, are you looking?”

  “You never know, this place is beautiful,” she teases me.

  “Noah is too good for you. You know that, right?” I tease back.

  “Hey, you’re supposed to be my best friend. Why would you side with my husband?”

  “Because I know you well.” I laugh at her as we pull into the driveway of Silas’s parents’ house.

  “This place is so cute.” She pushes her sunglasses to the bridge of her nose. “Is that sheep?” She’s practically jumping out of the car.

  “Have you never seen sheep before?” I yell after her, but she’s already through the fence, trying to pet one of them. I open the small trunk and take out our bags, placing them beside the car.

  The front door opens, and Silas’s mom heads in my direction. She surprises me when she hugs me to her. “I’m so glad you made it.” I hear the tears in her voice. “I wish we could’ve been there when Silas died.”

  I will not cry…I will not cry, I tell myself, but it does no good; my tears stream down. “I miss him so much.”

  She lets loose and sniffs. “Let’s go inside, dear, and I’ll fix you and your friend a drink.”

  “Charlie! Leave the sheep alone and grab your luggage.”

  She runs back to the car. “They’re so cute.” She’s all smiles.

  “They may be cute, but now you smell like one of them.”

  She lifts her arm to her nose and scrunches her face. “Ewww, why didn’t you tell me before I petted them?”

  “Because you took off as soon as you saw them. This is Mrs. McDill.”

  “Judith. Please call me Judith.”

  Hmmm. She’s always made me call her Mrs. McDill. We drag our luggage behind us until we get to the front door. Judith opens the screen door, and Silas’s dad is waiting for me with open arms, sitting in a wheelchair.

  “Hey, sweet lassie.”

  I bend down and hug him.

  “Did you bring me ma boy?” His eyes are filled with tears.

  “I did.” I cry with him.

  “Are you ladies hungry after your long journey here?” Judith drapes her arm through Charlie’s.

  “Starved,” Charlie answers. “Airplane food just didn’t cut it.”

  “How about you come help me set the table, and we’ll get to know one another.”r />
  I try really hard not to let my brows draw together. She was never that friendly to me, and within five minutes, she has Charlie eating out of her hand.

  Patrick wheels his chair into the living room. “Come sit with me.”

  I love his accent. I sit on the couch as close as I can to him. I’ve always seen Silas in his eyes, and it tugs at my heart.

  “I’m sorry we couldn’t make the trip to the funeral or when ma boy was sick. I would’ve given anything to be there for ma boy.”

  “Silas understood why you couldn’t make the trip.”

  “He made me a video. I got it the week he died.”

  Evidently, I wasn’t the only one he’s been making videos for.

  “He loved you, you know. I’m so thankful he had ye at his side.”

  “I was the lucky one. Thank you for raising such a fine man.”

  We’re interrupted when Judith comes back in the room.

  “We’re ready.” She pushes Patrick into the dining room.

  Judith has never cooked a day in her life. They’ve had a live-in cook and maid since the day Silas was born. Throughout our meal, Judith tells stories to Charlie about Silas growing up.

  “How come you never had any more children?” Charlie asks, and I kick her under the table. “Ouch! What was that for?”

  “That’s not a question you ask someone,” I say without moving my lips

  “It’s okay, Olivia. I never wanted children, and Silas was a sweet surprise. I loved him dearly, but one was enough for me.”

  I see a look cross Patrick’s face, and I know he didn’t feel the same way. Silas loved his mom, but he adored his dad. He’s so much warmer and loving than she is, and he didn’t like that she never cared for me. I think she expected him to return here and take over his dad’s farm. She told him once that I stole him from them.

  After dinner, Charlie and I get settled in Silas’s old room.

  “They seemed nice enough.” She’s unpacking her suitcase.

  “They are, but she’s never warmed up to me. She spoke to you more at dinner than she’s spoken to me the entire time I was married to her son.”

  “I’m sorry, sweetie. Then I won’t like her.”

  “No.” I laugh. “You can like her.” I pull Silas’s ashes that Noah saved for his parents from my backpack. “I’m glad Silas did this for them. They need closure.” I sit on the bed and hug the bag to my body.